I will be stood on stage, all of the issues will have been resolved, such is theatre, ‘the show must go on’.
I seem to have made a piece of theatre which has both acting ‘proper’ and performing ‘contemporary’ styles in it.
I will admit to being very afraid, and slightly cross at myself.. I can never just make anything simple… I am afraid because I don’t believe I can ‘act’, I feel like I’m going for an audition, I am massively out of my comfort zone and very worried about fucking it up – everyone knows that performance is infinitely easier because if you fuck up its much easier to cover.
… I feel like I need to find the shoes, build a character, know where they’ve been when they enter the stage and also know where they’re going when the leave….
I am always keen to make eye contact, to see my audience, tell them a story, make sure they’re watching…. when the 4th wall is up it’s so much harder. I feel stupid, pretending. It feels like hard work ‘being’ someone else…. wishing I had done that degree in acting, although without the degree in performance I wouldn’t be here, making my ‘own’ work.
It’s going to be a long week, but in 7 days and 45 minutes I will be able to breathe a sigh of relief, for better or worse, the show must go on.
Thankfully I have faith in process and in theatre, a show in the right order, with the right words in the right place, with the right tone and pace will show itself. If I just keep on looking for it.
I think I am making a ‘play’ though, or at least recycling one, I have started to envision the action as divided into thirds; set up – deconstruction – resolution…. I think I will use this format for the evenings re-write… praying my mini-dv camera holds up – it refused to close with the cassette tape in today – it most definitely needs replacing, just hoping it will cease to function a week today and not tomorrow.